The Kidnapper
By Lewis
“I can’t believe I won that game” I said to Jake after we shook their sweaty hands. I went into the locker room with the rest of the team. “Hey John” said bill “We jus made it into the championship.” Then our coach walked in he looked like he won one million dollars. He said we passed the puck good and we had some great goals. Bill came over to me and said “can you come to McDonalds.”
As I got into the car I thought why he wanted me to go to McDonalds with him. When I met him there he ordered a big Mac and, so did I. when we got our food he found a table and we sat down.
“Did you know that a guy broke out of jail and now he’s probably coming to our community?” said bill. And the guy used to go to our elementary school. He’s probably going somewhere theirs a lot of people. He has already kidnapped five people.
It was the next day and time for the big game. I drove to the hockey game with my mom and dad. After they wished me luck they went to the stands and I went to the locker room. In the locker room every body was deadly sigh lent. And after every won was dressed nobody moved.
In the first minuet of the game I scored! But then I saw it a kid being put in a bag. I hollered to catch him but he got away. I got into my car still with my skates on and drove off. Then a police car saw him and he also came into the race to and he finally turned into a hotel but then he came out with his hands up.
By Lewis
“I can’t believe I won that game” I said to Jake after we shook their sweaty hands. I went into the locker room with the rest of the team. “Hey John” said bill “We jus made it into the championship.” Then our coach walked in he looked like he won one million dollars. He said we passed the puck good and we had some great goals. Bill came over to me and said “can you come to McDonalds.”
As I got into the car I thought why he wanted me to go to McDonalds with him. When I met him there he ordered a big Mac and, so did I. when we got our food he found a table and we sat down.
“Did you know that a guy broke out of jail and now he’s probably coming to our community?” said bill. And the guy used to go to our elementary school. He’s probably going somewhere theirs a lot of people. He has already kidnapped five people.
It was the next day and time for the big game. I drove to the hockey game with my mom and dad. After they wished me luck they went to the stands and I went to the locker room. In the locker room every body was deadly sigh lent. And after every won was dressed nobody moved.
In the first minuet of the game I scored! But then I saw it a kid being put in a bag. I hollered to catch him but he got away. I got into my car still with my skates on and drove off. Then a police car saw him and he also came into the race to and he finally turned into a hotel but then he came out with his hands up.
That was a good story and I think you should next time make the story longer and add more details. Will there be a new story?
ReplyDelete-Molly
T- I think that story was intresting and suspensful. I liked how you made John such a realistic hero.
ReplyDeleteA- What is John like in real life and how does he strugle with things like other sports?
G- I think that next time if you made the story longer, you add more details. And also, tell a little bit more about the characters. Will there be a new story to add all those suggestions?
Your sincere writting partner,
-Molly